The Bachelor Ben Recap in Panama City

by 17 Divas on February 8, 2012

the bachelor recapBen and the gals arrive at the Trump Ocean Club in Panama City.

Kacie B gets the first 1 on 1 date. The date card reads: “Kacie B. will our love survive? Pack 3 things.”

“I’d like to see her go home. She (Kacie B) is kind of annoying.” – Courtney says.

Kacie and Ben helicopter to the deserted island of San Blas where they re-enact a scene from Survivor. They each brought 3 luxury items. Kacie brought a corkscrew, a bag of candy and a monkey. Ben brought a machete, a fishing net and matches. Quite the Boyscout Ben is.

Kacie observes that, “Watching Ben cut into a coconut is so hot.”

Ben makes some inappropriate metaphors about deep diving, “He wants to dive in deep.” with Kacie. (really!)

They catch a fish. They cook a fish. They eat a fish with their fingers.

Later in the date, Kacie opens up to Ben about her eating disorder in High School. They don’t discuss much more and they kiss alot. They’re a bit boring together. But then Ben is a bit boring alone.

For the group date, the date card reads: “Let’s get lost.” So we now go from the “Survivor” date to the “Lost” date. oh, it’s clever stuff. LOL

But thankfully, since Courtney is on this date, the show picks up speed and at least gets mildly amusing.

“This is my third group date, honesty, I’m just over it.” – Courtney

Gatun Lake and Monkey Island Sightseeing Cruise from Panama City

Ben pulls up on the river to pick the girls up in a very long, very phallic shaped boat. He is driving at the balls of the boat. The girls comment how watching Ben drive a boat is sooo sexy.

At some point along the ride Courtney exclaims, “I am soooo wet.”

As they float by a whole lot of trees and barren landscape suddenly a bunch of kids appear running on the hills and jumping in the water wearing mini banana hammocks. The girls all are like, oh how cute are they. And Ben acts like this is so spontaneous, oh hey, let’s pull in to land and say hi.

When they make landfall suddenly the entire village comes out of their huts. The women take the ladies and give them these beaded halterish tops to wear. Now when I say tops, I really mean a half top. And by half top I mean it’s really just a large beaded jingly necklace that barely covers the boobies. Most of the bachelorettes dangle this adornment over their bikini suit tops.

But Courtney goes full frontal and removes her bikini top. The other girls are horrified. The underage village boy children can’t stop staring and the older village men are getting hard-ons.

Courtney utters some more Courtneyisms like,

“They are all such prudes. Why be modest, we’re one with nature.”
“These beads are kind of cold.”
“We’re bare-chesting it.”
“I don’t do anything half ass.”

Ben, meanwhile has been whisked off by the men of the village and he makes his grand entrance in a loin cloth. Ben is VERY happy to see Courtney and her state of undress.

“I appreciated that in more than one way.” – Ben says. (Shocker, but isn’t that just so RAD Ben?)

Next on the day camp agenda is body painting. Courtney takes this opportunity to brand Ben with B + C = Heart with arrow. She paints this on his back and this pisses off all the other girls some more.

“I’m makin moves and it’s just getting started. I’ve got moves they’ve never seen.” – Courtney threatens.

Courtney has alone time with Ben later on the date. “I’m being stolen away,” she says.

Panama City Private Arrival Transfer

Then one of the other girls gets her alone time with Ben but Courtney, who will not be ignored, wanders back to the private alone time area and climbs into the wading pool behind where Ben and girl are talking.

“I feel like the girls here are slow moving and not sexual and they’re making it easy on me.” -Courtney

Ben can barely pay attention to what the other girl is saying because he can’t take his eyes off of Courtney.

After Emily has alone time with Ben and is feeling good about her relationship with him, she makes a grand gesture of issuing a heartfelt apology to Courtney in front of the other girls. But bitchface Courtney does not accept apologies. Scar her once and that wound is open for life. I seriously expected Emily to throw the drink she was holding in Courtney’s face but she didn’t. Emily showed some class and dignity in the face of a whole lot of bitten bitterness from Court.

Much to Courtney’s disappointment, Lindzi gets the rose on group date.

“I went out of my way to make him feel special on this date. I feel like I would deserve some kind of reward.” – Courtney

We then get a small window into Courtney’s psyche with men. “I’ve been consistently disappointed in men.” is the voiceover as she sits waiting/hoping for Ben to come to her room later. But Ben never shows. (oooo dooo dooo dooo)

Blakely and Rachel get the 2 on 1 Salsa date with Ben. Blakey is super excited about it. Rachel, of realism, however understands the consequences.

Date card threatens, “2 girls. 1 rose. 1 stays. 1 goes.”

The girls and Ben take a salsa dancing lesson. Blakely pretty much fills up Ben’s dance card to the point where Rachel can’t cut in. Rachel doesn’t know why Blakely is using her sexuality on a salsa date. Um, Rachel may be smart but it’s a date! HELLOOO, and it’s Salsa! Be sexy or go home! Do we really need to explain that to her. And does she not watch Dancing with The Stars!

But while Blakely appears to have won round one, dinner at Clementina’s soon proves to be her demise. Blakely shows her hand of all kinds of crazy when she takes a notebook with her to have a conversation with Ben alone.

We learn that it is a scrapbook she has made of what it would be like to pack up and move to San Francisco to be with Ben. (Ben’s face quickly goes blank and you can see his brain dragging her to the trash bin.)

Ben’s alone time with Rachel is much more normal and non-obsessive but not sure how much of a connection I see. They kiss but it seems sort of ho-hum.

Rachel gets the rose. Jamie goes home. A glimpse of a stray cat accents her departure.

Chris Harrison appears, which is never good, and pulls out Kacey S. to talk. Chris says that it has come to their attention by more than one source that Kacey is in love with another guy who she apparently has been living with up until she came to be on the show. Kacey pretty much unravels from there as she goes into a whole thing about loving some guy who will never marry her and that’s why she came on the show because all she wants more than anything is to be married. Honestly, I could barely watch this. Clearly she has unresolved issues with another man and is far from being able to move on into any relationship. I felt like I was watching her come apart at the seams and you could tell by how gentle Chris was being with her that she was clearly very fragile.

Chris walks her to Bens room to explain this mess to Ben. Ben has shown himself over the weeks to be sort of a straight-shooter and not exactly a package it in a bow kind of guy in regards to how he dismisses the women when the time comes to that. Ben was equally a bit rough with Kacey. Ben is mostly irritated that she didn’t fess up earlier because other girls who were sent home and not mentally married could have been here in her place. I’d sympathize with Ben on this except that this series has a pretty bad track record so I’m not sure that would have changed much in the end. (and by that I mean, everyone will be single or still looking for love.)

At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony Courtney declares, “I’m feeling pretty awesome. I have a prediction for tonight. Either Emily or Jamie will go home and I’m okay with that.”

And her prediction soon seems to be grounded in fact as Jamie has some alone time with Ben in what can only be called a cringing case of desperation at love. Jamie, wearing a tight, short red dress decides to climb on top of Ben and straddle him. Not sure what made her think this was a good idea. But she does it with a bit of a struggle and a bit of a shock to Ben. After situating herself with what I swore was the sound of her dress tearing, she kisses him. But this is the most unromantic, forced kiss ever!

She finally realizes that this position is uncomfortable and awkward to say the least and she dismounts Ben and sits next to him to try the kissing thing again. Only this time with a whole lot of instructions and rules about how they’re going to kiss.

“Open your mouth… Close your mouth… Turn to the right… No turn to the left… With tongue….Without tongue….”

(wow, this is seriously like the WORST attempt at an intimate moment as you can get! Botched up big time! It was hard not to squeal and cringe watching this all go down.)

When Jamie goes back to the girls she tells them, “I feel like he’s done with me.”

Well after that ridiculousness, wouldn’t you be done with you!

And at the rose ceremony, Ben affirms that he is, in fact, done with the kissing bandit from hell and sends Jaime on her way.

– Diva 4

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