It’s Bachelor hometown date time.
LINDZI’S HOMETOWN DATE
Lindzi’s hometown date is first. Ben and Lindzi ride horses and have another picnic. (No letter in a bottle this time, thankfully!) Then they gallop to her parents house and Lindzi announces, “This is my boyfriend, Ben!”

Lindzi’s parents have two Jack Russell Terriers. Ben says, “I have a Jack Russell too!” Wow what a coincidence. And that’s just the beginning – we learn that Lindzi’s parents got married in City Hall in San Francisco – where Ben and Lindzi had their first date…what a coinky dink!

After some chit chat, the parents challenge Ben and Linzi to a carriage race around the yard. In the end, the champions are “the old people,” as Lindzi’s dad so fondly called himself.

The punishment for losing this race is that the losing team has to pull the winning team back home to dinner. Dinner and discussion are all very lovely and drama-free. Ben likes them, they like Ben. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s picking “the mean girl.”

KACIE’S HOMETOWN DATE
Next hometown is Kacie B. Ben kicks off this hometown with a trip to Kacie’s High School football field where he, and we, have to sit through a marching band show, all staged so that Kacie could show off her baton-twirling skills. Yep, there she was twirling. Ben pretends to be impressed. Kacie runs to him and mounts him for a big smooch.

They then sit and chat about how this high school was named after Kacie’s grandfather.

I would just like to point out that on all these dates all our bland Ben does is repeat whatever the woman says. He has like nothing to add to any conversation. AND, he is constantly pushing that stupid hair out of his face. He looks so bored all the time. Even when he says things like “that’s great” or “that’s incredible’ – he has this expressionless look on his face.

Ben learns that Kacie’s dad doesn’t drink. (Ben’s business is booze). STRIKE ONE! The more Kacie tells Ben about her parents, the more Ben wants to bag the hometown visit. Ben tells Kacie he won’t kiss her in front of her parents.

Keeping in mind we’re in the bible beltway now, it comes as no shock that Kacie’s parents have very high moral standards and expectations for what is proper behavior for their daughter.

Kacei’s mother emphasizes to Ben that “Integrity , courage, community – those are our values. I have a serious problem with people living together. I would be disappointed if you did that before getting married.” (You can seriously see Ben checking out of this hometown about now. In his head he is like, peace outie, and thinking I’ll never be able to sleep with this chick on the overnight dates, so what’s the point.)

At one point Kacie’s dad advises her to “make every decision prayerfully and carefully.” (Enough SAID!) He then leads the witness (Kacie), “so when we (meaning Kacie and Ben) talk about moving to California, we’re talking about getting our own place not moving in together, right?”

Her dad ends the conversation with Kacie with his final declaration that, “If Ben wants to ask me to marry you, at this point… I would say no.”

Kacie is beyond frustrated with her ultra conservative father at this point. Kacie’s dad is uber protective and he is NOT going to like watching his daughter boink Ben next week on the overnight dates, if she makes it that far, which we have determined earlier on, she will NOT get a rose, no way in conservative hell!

It is clear that Kacie’s parents won’t ever approve of any man to marry her. They want her to become a nun!

(Sorry sister!)

NIKKI’S HOMETOWN DATES

Off to Texas to see Nikki, Ben says, “I’m hoping she shows me some Texas pride today.”

Nikki says, “The last time I brought a guy home I married him.”

First up for this Texas hometown is a trip to the cowboy boot barn shop to outfit this California boy in some proper cowboy gear. He gets cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, a new shirt, the whole enchilada! As they’re shopping, Nikki finds a way to compare buying boots to falling in love, “Finding the right boot is like finding the right partner in life…. You have to find the right fit.” Well, I”ll be damned I’m sure I got that in a fortune cookie at the last hoedown I went to!

Next up is some beers at an OK corale saloon – with their new gear on and some good ole teaxs music going.

It has not gone unnotticed that they are saving the Courtney date for last, fyi.

Ben seems bored….exceptionally bored. Like ‘I just have to get thru all these so I can get to Courtney.’

I never thought there could be a more boring bachelor than Brad Womack, but I was wrong!

Ben loves Texas. But I don’t think he loves Nikki.

Nikki’s family loves Ben. But Ben will not be calling them Ma and Pa anytime soon.

Nikki reveals to Ben that, “After today, I’m in love with you. I can see myself with you. I don’t want anything else. I want you and me….San Francisco. I want that.”

Ben thought bubbles this dribble, “there were moments today I looked over at Nikki and thought, I love this girl. I have great gut feelings about Nikki…about her abiliy to make me happy for all my life.”

COURTNEY’S HOMETOWN DATE

Ben’s Beloved Courtney hometown visit to Arizona begins with some not-so-subtle attempt and pre-emptive damage control for Courtney haters.

“I feel disappointed in myself for treating the girls the way I have,” Courtney confesses. (no, that wasn’t scripted much)

Ben again recounts, “That last day we spent in Belize was a moment of clarity for me. I saw my past, present and future. It would bother me though if I eneded up with someone who rubbed people the wrong way.”

At the beginning of the hometown date, Ben and Courtney join her mom, dad and sister for some lunch. It is obvious at the get-go that they are each wearing something on their ring finger – which we learn later is from the faux wedding, so we know they spliced and diced that whole sequence up.

Ben seems the most alive he has been this entire episode. Like actually awake and present. (so Courtney-whipped).

Courtney has sister talk with her sister and tells her she thinks he’s the best, “having met him I feel like I have been with the wrong people only to appreciate the right person.” Her sister says, “You love him? We love him.”

Courtney’s dad says to Ben, “Marriage is life’s greatest gamble. There is only a 50% chance of #winning. Are you ready to make that bet Ben?”

Ben is like, “Your daughter is so independent, so smart, (and she played with my wee wee in the water!)”

“I’m happy to have hung in there. I’m falling for him. I feel deserving. I feel ready for the next chapter in my life. Ben treats me and makes me feel so special. I’m falling for him. I’ll be ready to say yes if he proposes,” Courtney confesses.

“I think she loves him. So that’s good for me,” her mother says.

“I havent told Ben that I love him yet. i’m scared. I’ve never been with a guy who hasn’t betrayed me. betrayed my trust,” we learn from Courtney.

Courtney tells Ben,”I just want you to know I’m ready. I’m ready for that chapter in my life. I want that with you.”

“Ben is just a breath of fresh air for me.” she says.

Not too far away, next door or something, is this faux wedding setup – chairs, an aisle, the whole deal. Courtney walks Ben over to it.

‘I’m wondering how far we’re gonna take this. Do you have rings too?” Ben asks her. (yet he is not hesitating for a second)
“I do.” – which explains the rings they were wearing at the family visit.

They sit down and write their vows to each other.
They practicaly get married, but it’s faux. Faux rings, faux minister person, faux everything!

Some faux priest/minister/marrying guy appears and Ben and Courtney stand before him and recite their vows. They go like this:

Ben to Courtney – “The first itme I saw you , you took my breath away. You’re incredible. I love how you make me feel when I’m in your prescense. You are strong, kind and beautiful. I want to thank you for believing in me after this incredible journey.”

Courtney to Ben – “Ben, I’m looking for love. Real love. Passion, consuming, can’t live without each other love. When I look at you acorss the room I know that your happiness is the key to mine. I’ll give you my hand, my heart, laugh with you and cry with you for all the days of my life. Every day and every nite. I hope you know I’m one hundred percent ready for marraige and I’m so happy I found you. I want you to know that I’m in love with you.”

Ben says, “Courtney, with this ring, I thee wed.”

Courtney says, “Ben, with this ring, I thee wed.”

Marrying Man says, ‘If this was a real wedding I would pronounce you man and wife, but since it’s not, you can still go ahead and kiss.”

Courtney says, “We are not Mr. and Mrs. Flajnik yet, but it felt could try it on.”

They drive away in a car that reads, “Almost Married.”

(HILARIOUS!)

THE ROSE CEREMONY

Courtney’s like, I’ve already fucked him AND married him……time for you other bitches to go!

Kacie does NOT get a rose at the ceremony and it is all kinds of F-bombs that fly in the limo. Though when she watches this back she is going to be like, what the F*ck did I see in that guy!

Ben walks Kacie out and they sit on a bench. Kacie starts crying and doesn’t understand. Ben SAYS NOTHING. HE is MUTE. He can not think of ONE thing to say to this girl. The man cannot have a conversation! He can’t even fake making a girl not feel bad when he dumps them. It’s like he is asleep.

Meanwhile, in the limo ride back to real life, Kacie is all “What the fuck happened! What the fuck happened!!”

(Here’s a tip Kacie, don’t take any guys you like home to meet the fam!)

Next week, the overnight dates with Lindzi, Nikki and Courtney will be an alpine adventure in Switzerland.

COURTNEY OUT-TAKE and QUOTE OF THE WEEK

(p.s. the other girls don’t get out-takes)

Courtney’s sister outs the skinny dipping tale at the family lunch table. Courtney’s mom and dad kind of smile and tease her, but my favorite Courtney moment is when she waves her finger at her father and says, “Dad you’ve skinny dipped in this pool right here, so don’t go acting like this is your first rodeo!”

Ben and the remaining women jetted off to Belize last night – a beautiful destination for 3 one-on-one dates and 1 group date.

The individual dates went to Emily, Lindzi and bitchface.

Kacie, on the group date, was the only one to score a rose before the actual rose ceremony, which made her about the happiest woman on the planet, as a rose last night meant Ben will meet your family.

We endured bitchface whine and cry for most of the show pretty much up until the point when she FINALLY gets a one-on-one date.

Up until then it was all, complaining about how she was done, how she couldn’t take this anymore, how she’s lost her connection with him, how if he doesn’t give me a one-on-one then he clearly doesn’t like me, how she’s been hurt in the past and how this always happens to her. It was quite the pity party.

Oh, but once she gets the last individual date of the nite, bitchface quickly switches gears into cocky-ass mode, uh huh, I got this. “I knew Ben was a smart boy.”

Ok, Ben isn’t smart, he’s just pussy-whipped since the naked swimming encounter.

But before we get to Courtney and Ben’s date, let’s backstep to Emily’s date.

Ben and Emily Date
Emily seemed to be in positive recovery mode with a fairly fun and frolicky date with Ben. They had a bicycle ride. They went out on a boat to catch their lobster dinner. At which Emily says she loves how spontaneous Ben is. REALLY? He’s not spontaneous. You think that you happening upon the guy with a boat lobstering who offers to take you out was an ‘accident.’ You are on a TV show, every move is planned.

It seemed as though Ben and Emily were having a solid day together, and there was a glimmer of her being back in the running towards becoming America’s next top contender for the bachelor’s heart.

Ben and Lindzi Date
Lindzi had a good date with Ben. They flew in the helicopter to a coral reef in the middle of nowhere and Lindzi is horrified to learn they will have to jump out of the aircraft into the water below, plunging into love even deeper….or leaping into love as they each uttered a nauseating number of times!

Okay, so despite her fears, Lindzi jumps with Ben at her side and this binds them closer together. They have a great time, kiss kiss, eat drink. And we’re done. Oh, but it should be noted that Lindzi ennunciating every syllable of the word ‘important’, which she said about 3 times on the date, was driving me koo koo. They also write a message and put it in a bottle, and now I’m like, seriously, this is ridic!

Ben and Courtney Date
On Courtney’s date, they end up at a temple or ruin and climb a flight of stairs after being dropped off in a helicopter. BTW, I think the helicopter had more appearances than Chris Harrison in this episode!

So as soon as they lay down a blanket to snack and drink champagne, Courtney tells Ben how she feels. How she feels disconnected and how hard this is for her. (tear.) Ben actually likes that she is forthright and not a suck-up. He even goes as far as to say one of the things he learned about himself on this journey, where he is leaping a whole lot in faith, is that he likes a girl who is edgy and quirky, or unique as he put it. (Courtney might be quirky and unique, but the adjectives that describe her best are more like the ones used to describe the Grinch, “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”)

Courtney is nothing if not a master of manipulation, and to her credit she now has him bending over backwards to make her feel loved again. Although at dinner, when Courtney talks about the other girls in the house and how she doesn’t get along with any of them, how they are all dumb girls and she’d never be friends with them outside of this. Ben actually looks like he has a little red flag raised – (no, not that kind of a flag!) but an actual red flag, a little bitty one, coming out of his ear. And when Courtney alludes to the fact that she mostly has guy friends… Ben says something classic in VO mode like, I dont want to be with someone nobody else can stand.

During the evening portion of the group date, each of the gals has time alone with Ben.

Kacie lays it on the line the most and pretty much tells Ben she is falling. He gives her the group date rose. And her getting a rose before the ceremony meant we didnt have to watch her cry in anticipation of not getting a rose. (Thank you, Ben)

The date is not yet over though and the girls take this time with Ben as an opportunity to express their disdain, distrust and reservations about bitchface. Ben seems to be listening.

Before the rose ceremony, Ben asks to speak with bitchface alone. The other girls speculate that maybe he has come to his senses. But skinny dipping memories run deep and bitchface DOES get a rose in addition to Nicki (didn’t see that one coming, I have to say!) and Lindzi.

So next week on The Bachelor, Ben will meet the four familes of Nicki, Kacie, Bitchface and Lindzi.  All towards his and their journey to all be single again a short time from now.

-Diva4

Ben and the gals arrive at the Trump Ocean Club in Panama City.

Kacie B gets the first 1 on 1 date. The date card reads: “Kacie B. will our love survive? Pack 3 things.”

“I’d like to see her go home. She (Kacie B) is kind of annoying.” – Courtney says.

Kacie and Ben helicopter to the deserted island of San Blas where they re-enact a scene from Survivor. They each brought 3 luxury items. Kacie brought a corkscrew, a bag of candy and a monkey. Ben brought a machete, a fishing net and matches. Quite the Boyscout Ben is.

Kacie observes that, “Watching Ben cut into a coconut is so hot.”

Ben makes some inappropriate metaphors about deep diving, “He wants to dive in deep.” with Kacie. (really!)

They catch a fish. They cook a fish. They eat a fish with their fingers.

Later in the date, Kacie opens up to Ben about her eating disorder in High School. They don’t discuss much more and they kiss alot. They’re a bit boring together. But then Ben is a bit boring alone.

For the group date, the date card reads: “Let’s get lost.” So we now go from the “Survivor” date to the “Lost” date. oh, it’s clever stuff. LOL

But thankfully, since Courtney is on this date, the show picks up speed and at least gets mildly amusing.

“This is my third group date, honesty, I’m just over it.” – Courtney

Gatun Lake and Monkey Island Sightseeing Cruise from Panama City

Ben pulls up on the river to pick the girls up in a very long, very phallic shaped boat. He is driving at the balls of the boat. The girls comment how watching Ben drive a boat is sooo sexy.

At some point along the ride Courtney exclaims, “I am soooo wet.”

As they float by a whole lot of trees and barren landscape suddenly a bunch of kids appear running on the hills and jumping in the water wearing mini banana hammocks. The girls all are like, oh how cute are they. And Ben acts like this is so spontaneous, oh hey, let’s pull in to land and say hi.

When they make landfall suddenly the entire village comes out of their huts. The women take the ladies and give them these beaded halterish tops to wear. Now when I say tops, I really mean a half top. And by half top I mean it’s really just a large beaded jingly necklace that barely covers the boobies. Most of the bachelorettes dangle this adornment over their bikini suit tops.

But Courtney goes full frontal and removes her bikini top. The other girls are horrified. The underage village boy children can’t stop staring and the older village men are getting hard-ons.

Courtney utters some more Courtneyisms like,

“They are all such prudes. Why be modest, we’re one with nature.”
“These beads are kind of cold.”
“We’re bare-chesting it.”
“I don’t do anything half ass.”

Ben, meanwhile has been whisked off by the men of the village and he makes his grand entrance in a loin cloth. Ben is VERY happy to see Courtney and her state of undress.

“I appreciated that in more than one way.” – Ben says. (Shocker, but isn’t that just so RAD Ben?)

Next on the day camp agenda is body painting. Courtney takes this opportunity to brand Ben with B + C = Heart with arrow. She paints this on his back and this pisses off all the other girls some more.

“I’m makin moves and it’s just getting started. I’ve got moves they’ve never seen.” – Courtney threatens.

Courtney has alone time with Ben later on the date. “I’m being stolen away,” she says.

Panama City Private Arrival Transfer

Then one of the other girls gets her alone time with Ben but Courtney, who will not be ignored, wanders back to the private alone time area and climbs into the wading pool behind where Ben and girl are talking.

“I feel like the girls here are slow moving and not sexual and they’re making it easy on me.” -Courtney

Ben can barely pay attention to what the other girl is saying because he can’t take his eyes off of Courtney.

After Emily has alone time with Ben and is feeling good about her relationship with him, she makes a grand gesture of issuing a heartfelt apology to Courtney in front of the other girls. But bitchface Courtney does not accept apologies. Scar her once and that wound is open for life. I seriously expected Emily to throw the drink she was holding in Courtney’s face but she didn’t. Emily showed some class and dignity in the face of a whole lot of bitten bitterness from Court.

Much to Courtney’s disappointment, Lindzi gets the rose on group date.

“I went out of my way to make him feel special on this date. I feel like I would deserve some kind of reward.” – Courtney

We then get a small window into Courtney’s psyche with men. “I’ve been consistently disappointed in men.” is the voiceover as she sits waiting/hoping for Ben to come to her room later. But Ben never shows. (oooo dooo dooo dooo)

Blakely and Rachel get the 2 on 1 Salsa date with Ben. Blakey is super excited about it. Rachel, of realism, however understands the consequences.

Date card threatens, “2 girls. 1 rose. 1 stays. 1 goes.”

The girls and Ben take a salsa dancing lesson. Blakely pretty much fills up Ben’s dance card to the point where Rachel can’t cut in. Rachel doesn’t know why Blakely is using her sexuality on a salsa date. Um, Rachel may be smart but it’s a date! HELLOOO, and it’s Salsa! Be sexy or go home! Do we really need to explain that to her. And does she not watch Dancing with The Stars!

But while Blakely appears to have won round one, dinner at Clementina’s soon proves to be her demise. Blakely shows her hand of all kinds of crazy when she takes a notebook with her to have a conversation with Ben alone.

We learn that it is a scrapbook she has made of what it would be like to pack up and move to San Francisco to be with Ben. (Ben’s face quickly goes blank and you can see his brain dragging her to the trash bin.)

Ben’s alone time with Rachel is much more normal and non-obsessive but not sure how much of a connection I see. They kiss but it seems sort of ho-hum.

Rachel gets the rose. Jamie goes home. A glimpse of a stray cat accents her departure.

Chris Harrison appears, which is never good, and pulls out Kacey S. to talk. Chris says that it has come to their attention by more than one source that Kacey is in love with another guy who she apparently has been living with up until she came to be on the show. Kacey pretty much unravels from there as she goes into a whole thing about loving some guy who will never marry her and that’s why she came on the show because all she wants more than anything is to be married. Honestly, I could barely watch this. Clearly she has unresolved issues with another man and is far from being able to move on into any relationship. I felt like I was watching her come apart at the seams and you could tell by how gentle Chris was being with her that she was clearly very fragile.

Chris walks her to Bens room to explain this mess to Ben. Ben has shown himself over the weeks to be sort of a straight-shooter and not exactly a package it in a bow kind of guy in regards to how he dismisses the women when the time comes to that. Ben was equally a bit rough with Kacey. Ben is mostly irritated that she didn’t fess up earlier because other girls who were sent home and not mentally married could have been here in her place. I’d sympathize with Ben on this except that this series has a pretty bad track record so I’m not sure that would have changed much in the end. (and by that I mean, everyone will be single or still looking for love.)

At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony Courtney declares, “I’m feeling pretty awesome. I have a prediction for tonight. Either Emily or Jamie will go home and I’m okay with that.”

And her prediction soon seems to be grounded in fact as Jamie has some alone time with Ben in what can only be called a cringing case of desperation at love. Jamie, wearing a tight, short red dress decides to climb on top of Ben and straddle him. Not sure what made her think this was a good idea. But she does it with a bit of a struggle and a bit of a shock to Ben. After situating herself with what I swore was the sound of her dress tearing, she kisses him. But this is the most unromantic, forced kiss ever!

She finally realizes that this position is uncomfortable and awkward to say the least and she dismounts Ben and sits next to him to try the kissing thing again. Only this time with a whole lot of instructions and rules about how they’re going to kiss.

“Open your mouth… Close your mouth… Turn to the right… No turn to the left… With tongue….Without tongue….”

(wow, this is seriously like the WORST attempt at an intimate moment as you can get! Botched up big time! It was hard not to squeal and cringe watching this all go down.)

When Jamie goes back to the girls she tells them, “I feel like he’s done with me.”

Well after that ridiculousness, wouldn’t you be done with you!

And at the rose ceremony, Ben affirms that he is, in fact, done with the kissing bandit from hell and sends Jaime on her way.

- Diva 4

Kim and Khloe have both landed extra jobs.

As fans will recall, on the first season of “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami,” Khloe got a gig as a DJ on a late nite radio show called ‘Khloe After Dark.’ It was a cheeky show about relationships and stuff.

Now that the Kardahian-Odoms have relocated to Dallas, Texas so Lamar can play for the Dallas Mavericks, Khloe has accepted a new radio gig – this one doesn’t sound quite so sassy though. Khloe’s new show will be called, “The Mix Up with Khloe” and will begin airing January 30.

I say they could have thrown around a few more title ideas before settling on this lame one. We know Khloe’s show will be fun, but this title sucks.

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian has taken a non-reality acting gig. Kim will be playing a recurring role on “Drop Dead Diva,” which will be premiering this summer.

See, this is why it is so difficult to keep up with the Kardashians!

Emily Maynard is the Next Bachelorette. Shocking? No. Dissappointing? Yes.

After rumors circulating furiously that Emily would be making a comeback as the next bachelorette, ABC has officially made the announement today on Good Morning America. Host Chris Harrison said, “I think she’s America’s sweetheart and I think it will be a home run.”

Emily Maynard was proposed to by Brad Womack in South Africa on The Bachelor Brad Take 2 season. It was one of the most heartfelt proposals in Bachelor history. Brad and Emily were madly in love but by the time After The Final Rose aired it was clear that the rose was covered in thorns and wilted beyond repair.

Emily gained a huge following as one of the most favorited of Brad’s season. The story of her late race-car driving boyfriend, Ricki Hendrick, dying in a plane crash leaving her ‘with child’ was as heart-wrenching as a back-story can get. The 25 year old southern girl practically received Mother Theresa status from the other women in the house. So ABC is giving Emily another shot at love.

I was a big Emily fan myself, but not sure I’m looking forward to her being the next Bachelorette. I pretty much had my fill of hearing about her daughter Ricki and how she has to do what’s best for her and Ricki and about how Ricki is the most important thing in her life.

This is one of those occasions when I like to blend my reality TV worlds into one and I would like to propose Kim Kardashian be the next Bachelorette!

Seriously, the girl clearly doesn’t do a great job of picking for herself, she’s single, so let’s help her out. It wouldn’t take much for her to improve on her last score – a 73 day marriage is not a high bar to set, even for The Bachelor/Bachelorette. It’s practically fail-proof!

Kim is far more entertaining than Emily. She’s a better dresser than Emily. Heck she’s probably even a better dancer than Emily! And just think about how fun the home town dates would be! Scott, Rob and Lamar could grill the guys over the coals.

I have already confessed that I’m a bit bored with Ben this season. Emily might bore me even more.

Although if douchie Bentley from Ashley’s season shows up as one of Emily’s suitors, this could get interesting! Bentley was verbally bummed that Ashely was not Emily when he appeared on the show. And we watched this dog shit all over Ashley, quickly earning him most loathed contestant ever status. A little angel and the devil could make for good television I say.

Are you happy with their choice of Emily for the next Bachelorette?

Tonight’s Bachelor took place in Park City, Utah. “The dates I planned this week are outdoorsy and awesome.” said Ben.

Chris announces there is no time to sit and talk about the weather and that the gals need to use their time wisely.

From the get-go Kacie B wont stop crying. She has gotten super annoying, super quick.

Rachel gets the first date and gets to go spend the day rowing a canoe on the lake with Ben. Ben likes these down-to-earth dates. Uou can get to know each other more.

Millions of bugs seem to swarm around them as they make out in the canoe. Ben pours champagne. The sun is so bright they can barely see each other without squinting. The kiss is okay, but they have nothing to say to each other after that. I’m yawning.

Night falls and Ben is confused about how he feels for her. She won’t open up but Ben is not ready to give up. At dinner, Rachel admits that being open is not her strength and communication is difficult for her. Ben gives her the rose hoping she will talk more next time. Then they roast marshmellows on a stick over a campfire and kiss some more.

Back at the ranch, the group date card arrives declaring, “Let’s see if you’re a great catch.”

Courtney is one of the 8 women on the group date, and who doesn’t want more Courtney on The Bachelor. She declares, “When I’m around Ben I blossom.”

Ben rides into the group date on a horse and we get all kinds of comments from the girls about how rugged and Chaps like he looks. They all get on their own horses and ride across the Utah plains. I suddenly feel like I am watching “City Slickers” or “Brokeback Mountain.”

Ben is so excited, “I have a great day planned. It’s gonna be rad!”

Everyone gets outfitted in fly fishing gear. “We have to catch our lunch,” Ben tells them.

Ben plays teacher. Kacie whines some more. (enuf!)

O wise one, Courtney, says, “It’s not about catching the trout. It’s about catching Ben. It’s all about knowing when to make your move and I don’t see many moves being made. These other girls don’t have their eye on the prize.”

Too bad for them, because Courtney has her eye on the target and she has locked and loaded.

“I’m gonna turn this group date into a one-on-one date,” she says.

Smitten Ben is like “ohhhh Courtney is wonderful, blah blah blah”

We learn deep things about Ben during his chit chat with Courtney like, “Mustard’s my favorite condiment.” Wow so glad I know that Ben! Now I’m really falling for you!

Courtney catches a fish. She is the only one to catch a fish. Ben is impressed. So is Courtney.

During the second half of the date, Nicki who is drunk and this is her 3rd group date makes a move for some alone time. Nikki genuinely thanks him for the group dates. Ben says she thrives in the group dates.

Ben lost a friend two days before the bachelor started. We find this out because Nikki, in an attempt to create a ‘moment’, tells him that her boss passed away the nite before she came here. Their death stories bond them and their lips. But their lips are parted thanks to another drunk girl, Samantha.

Samantha interrupts and asks Ben if he feels anything. She slurs her words and makes no sense at all. Ben does not beat around any bushes with this one. He tells her “The group dates you’ve been on, you’ve been highly emotional. I don’t know if you’re even here for me because in your actions i dont see it. That’s why you continue to be on group dates. It’s hard for me to justify giving you a one on one. For what I’ve seen up to this point, I don’t see this going much further. I’m thinking we should probably end this. Like right now.”

WAY HARSH!! Like she just got fired from a job. (tears…hers, and bye-bye).

Ben and Kacie have alone time and kiss. and kiss. and kiss some more. Ben admits, “I’m in trouble with Kacie B. My relationship with her is growing faster than most.” “I might end up with her, I dont know.”

Ben takes Courtney away by the fire and they cuddle and kiss. Seeing Courtney struggle is difficult for ben. (oyyyy.) and there goes the rose on the group date — to Courtney. #winning. Seriously the girl uses the word #winning in conversation!!! Courtney accepts the rose… as if! #tigerblood.

This pisses Kacie B. off and she’s not the only one.

Jennifer receives the last one on one date. “Let’s pick our love song.”

Ben reminds us at the onset of their date, as if we have forgotten Bachelor mantra, “Relationships are all about trust. It’s about overcoming your fears”

Suddenly in the middle of nowhere Utah is a crator and guess what, they are going to repell down it into a pool of water on their date…just a good 300 feet down or so. “I don’t do this in Oklahoma!” Jennifer says – ah,no shit!

Jen is a good sport about going down a black hole hanging by a string.

On their way down, again with Ben and the “relationships are all about trust.” (is this groundhog day!)

Once they jump in water – it’s amazing. “It’s just me and him,” Jen says. (and a camera and paramedics crew I’m hoping!! )

The evening portion of the date involves lightning and then a heavy rain storm and they get soaked.

Jennifer gets the rose, “The more time I spend with Jennifer, the more I like her.”

Now for the awkward part of the date, again in the middle of nowhere Utah suddenly there is a private concert for Ben and Jen – only 300 other people showed up. LOL

The crowd clears a path and they walk thru to the front and dude sings to them and they dance and kiss with everyone watching. EWWWW. so awkward!!!!

Let it be said, Ben is boring me. Just fyi.

At the rose ceremony, Emily decides she has to be the one to tell Ben about what a bitch Courtney is. Rule #23 of reality TV dating – don’t be the one to tattle on someone else. Your ass WILL end up in the limo ride home!

Ben sort of scolds her, his second ‘face slap’ of the night.

Meanwhile Casey tells Emily, “Courtney is the most genuine person here.”
Then Casey tells Courtney that Emily threw her under the bus.

And then the ‘most genuine person in the house’ says about Emily, “I almost just want to rip her head off and verbally assault her, or shave her eyebrows while she’s sleeping.”

In the end, Emily does get a rose and Monica goes home. Monica, who?

Next week they’re headed to Puerto Rico.

On last night’s Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Kim’s tolerance for her new husband reaches a new low. And who can blame her. The Humph doesn’t exactly come out smelling like the dream husband on this series. In fact he is about as unlikeable as they get. I’d be ready to dump his basketball playing butt too.

As Kim verbalizes more and more how unhappy she is in her marriage, she is seeking something more. The ‘more’ comes in the form of a visit to world reknown psychic medium, John Edwards. Kim’s friend happens to be John’s assistant, so it is fairly easy for Kim to come by an appointment despite his jam-packed schedule. John happens to have one spare opening on the day that remarkably coincides with Kim’s dad’s death. Accident? I think not.

Kim is going thru a tough time and strongly feels the need to connect with her late father, Rob Kardashian, on the other side. Sceptic Kourtney goes with for moral support, but soon is a believer when John Edwards brings up things nobody else could have know.

John also suggests someone is pregnant either with twins or twins means gemini (Scott is a gemini, Kourtney chimes in). John also says that he sees two sisters pregnant at or around the same time. And he emphatically states that Khloe, who has been fraught with fertility issues, will definitely become pregnant.

Not much advice is disseminated or asked regarding the Humph situation, or at least they edited that part out. But Kim seems at peace with what John Edwards had to tell her.

At several times during the episode, Kim says that she feels like getting married was a mistake and she is not happy in this marriage any more. In fact Kris’s sister comes to visit, but Humph didn’t think to tell his wife her sister-in-law was coming to town in advance. Humph springs the news on Kim within minutes of Kaela arriving and then has no problem blaming Kim for not spending any time with his sister on no notice.

On the lighter side of K-ville, Scott expresses his desire to have family portraits in their home. Kourtney hates framed photos! After all her mom’s house is plastered with family portraits like white on rice. But Scott manages to impulsively get Kourtney to sit for a cartoon sketch on a New York City sidewalk as a first step toward achieving his dream.

Later in the episode, they visit an art studio and have a more professional painting created. But the seriousness of this gesture is soon turned to comedy when Kourtney whispers to the artist that she can feel free to paint something funny, like give Scott a unibrow.

Upon the reveal of the painting to the family later, Kim and Kourt are practically peeing in their pants when the unibrow makes its debut. Scott is not amused. But smartly, the artist applied the unibrow on top of the canvas so it could be removed.

Kourtney in the end apologizes to Scott and tells him that he can hang the portrait in any room he wants….except their bedroom…..or the living room….or the…. (you get the idea.)

-Diva4

Last night Bachelor Ben could have been mistaken for the kissing bandit. Locking lips, tonsil hockey and slurping smooches were a dime a dozen as Ben exercised his lips and his right to bare tongue. Gonna guess Ben retired from that week singing to himself, I kissed 11 girls and I liked it.

In Ben’s hometown of San Francisco there were some unexpected appearances, adrenalin rushes, leap listing and near fainting to contend with.

Anyone signing up for Bachelor or Bachelorette-dom should expect to have their biggest fears used against them in the courtship for love. And that is exactly what happened to poor ‘fraid of heights’ Emily. Nothing will make you shit in your pants faster than being acrophobic and told you’ll be climbing the Bay Bridge in San Francisco on your dream date. Only thing that could make this worse is if an earthquake happened simultaneously. Halfway up the steep bridge, Emily freezes in panic and Ben does the only thing he can think of to help her – let the kissing commence!

Ben’s kiss is so powerful that Emily’s courage grows ten sizes that day and she practically sprints the rest of the way to the pinnacle of the bridge where she can kiss Ben some more. When you break through your fears with somebody there is nothing you cannot do together. (really???)

I would just like to state here and now that if I were ever on The Bachelor and told I had to climb a bridge, bungee jump or hurl myself out of a plane for love, I’d leave. And speaking of leaving…that’s just what Brittney did. Left. Packed it up. Outie. Yep, Brittney is presented with a date card and a golden locket, okay a key, and can barely stand the pressure of going on a date with Ben and leaves the castle. Ben didn’t seem to care much, and her one-on-one date was given to Lindzi. (That’s Lindsey with a “zi”) LOL.

Lindzi and Ben unlock many doors in San Francisco including City Hall where they slow dance and kiss to a private concert from Matt Nathanson.

There is a very long family visit with Ben’s sister and Ben where they discuss his finding love and Ben dishes to sis about his favorite girls – citing Jennifer as being the best kisser.

On a group date where they snow ski downhill on the streets of San Francisco in bikinis as onlookers take snapshots, Ben and the ladies slalom where no person has slalomed before – at least in that town.

Meanwhile, someone has been pushing the pedal to the metal in a race to get to the mansion and announce that she wants in on the fight for Ben’s love. Funeral director, Shawntel, from Brad Womack’s second season is convinced that she and Ben have a connection from the times she has met him or whatever and enters herself in the contest. Shawntel knows that she will not be welcomed with open arms by any of the girls, but it’s even worse than she imagined.

First of all, I was dumbfounded to see that not one of these girls recognized Shawntel when she walked in. Not a ONE! At this point it is hard to believe there is a contestant out there who has not been watching this show, but clearly I am wrong. Once they do figure it out, the funeral jokes start flying. But by the end of the show it’s not just Shawntel’s heart that is dead in the water.

Ben is equally shocked to see her. Shawntel arrives in time for the rose ceremony, but alas, to my surprise at least, did not get a rose from Ben. That is a long way to come for rejection in my book. And while Shawntel kept saying she had to try before he fell in love with someone else or she’d always regret it, I say to you, Shawntel do not give up hope. Just wait 3 months and Ben will be on the market again. Doesn’t take a mathematician to do the equation with this show.

There was a lot of drama from Courtney who nobody likes, except Ben. He likes to kiss her. (shocker). We have a girl who has no chance at all with Ben and who we have hardly seen, practically faint during the rose ceremony. But she recovers in time to continue on, only to be rejected by Ben as she suspected. Her, the other one we never thought had a shot, and Shawntel are told by Ben that he does not like any of them enough to give them the final rose of the night and sends them on their way.

My favorite quote of the night was from, I think it was Emily, who said about Courtney, Why is she so weird!

- D4

David Cook took the stage at Irving Plaza in NYC last Friday and delivered what could possibly be the best concert ever. The energy was through the roof and he had all kinds of surprises for us throughout the night (an early Christmas, Hanukkah, Quanza).

He came down into the audience two times. It was so exciting, especially for those lucky enough to be up front. He event took a picture with a fan as he was singing. He gave a hug to a girl, smart cookie that one, she made a sign saying she flew in all the way from South Carolina and wanted one. Ask and you shall receive. I had to wonder, if I had held up a sign saying I came all the way from Brooklyn via 3 modes of transportation (bus, train, foot)… hmmm. We’ll never know will we.

There were so many highlights of the night. Speaking of lights, the lighting was beautiful. I don’t know who at Irving Plaza choreographed the lights, but they were amazing. Made for some great pics. As if David isn’t already gorgeous enough, they just really added something special. Mazeltov lighting people!

So, more special surprises throughout the night…one of the highlights, again, how can that be when it was all off the charts, but… Ryan Star and Stevie Van Zandt joined David for an ass-kicking, rhythmic, hard hitting rendition of Led Zeppelin’s Rock n’ Roll. They also covered the Beatles Eight Days a Week.

The crowd was singing along all night long and during Fade Into Me, David pulled back from the mic as the audience took the chorus. He came back in with a waling, as only David can do, power note that just blew us all away. Perfection! How beautiful that the lyric is “fade into me, fade into you, the two of us melting together until we become something new,” because that’s just what happened in that moment. David seemed taken with it all. He said best concert and called us all sexy, lol, we’ll take that!

I can go on and on, but no matter what I write, it will not reflect how amazing this night was. So without further adieu, here are some of the videos, more to follow in subsequent posts. Be sure to sign up for our fun newsletter so you don’t miss anything. It’s fat free, gluten free and, well, just free too.

Sharon (aka Diva 3) used the Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS3 to capture these great concert videos with awesome sound quality. Works especially well for concerts.

If you’re struggling to find the perfect Christmas gift for a fellow Kardashian fan or fashionista on your holiday santa list, these K sisters have plenty of great holiday gifts to offer via their Kardashian Kollections of apparel, jewelry, books, perfumes and empire of fabulous, dashing K-wear.

Here is our list of the 12 days of a Kardashian Khristmas – Santa surely can keep up with them if anyone can! Spread the merry cheer of Kourtney, Kim and Khloe this holiday season. You’ll be merry and bright and these gifts are just right – for you or any glamour gal on your list.

On the 1st Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – a
K-DASH by Kardashian Double Strap Pebble Leather Handbag – Komplete with Khloe inspired leopard lining pring and two front pockets with buckle details for everyday essentials, and a zippered pocket on the back.

On the 2nd Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – a sexy sequined
Kardashian Printed Sequin Tank Top with Racerback to glitter as I go.

On the 3rd Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – A
Belle Noel Honey Hexagon Hair Comb to wear as I roam. Hang from the crown of your head for a pretty down do’, or clip alongside a ponytail to dress up your causal style.

On the 4th day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – a Kim fave
Belle Noel Multi Chain Nugget Necklace

On the 5th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – Kim K’s perfume

On the 6th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – Kris Jenner’s life story

On the 7th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – the page-turner “Kardashian Konfidential”

On the 8th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – this sensational sequin Kardashian clutch bag

On the 9th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – this glamorous Crepe Top designed by Kim, Kourtney and Khloe

On the 10th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – Khloe and Lamar’s signature scent

On the 11th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – Kim’s Inspired Engagement Ring for her 72 day marriage

And on the 12th Day of Khristmas, Santa gave to me – Kardashians for the new year – all year – 12 months of Kardashians with this Kardashian 2012 Calendar

So there ya have it! 12 great holiday gift ideas for friends and family who love the Kardashians. Stuff their stockings, secret their santas or put these Kardashian presents under the tree. That’s how you keep up for Khristmas!

-a merry Diva4