ok. we’ve all had just about enough of 1-note Wonder Wes and his lying sack of shit. But this week’s Bachelorette took the cake, or crap! Jillian Harris went on 5 hometown dates with the remaining guys. I think it’s hilarious how it used to be only a few hometowns, as each season of this show progresses they anti-up the number of hometowns, soon they’ll have the bachelors/bachelorettes going on 25 hometown dates. I digress. Ok. so we’ve got Neurotic Reid, Surfer Dude Kiptyn, Jesse Winemaker, Breakdancing Mike and Lying Sack of Shit Wes. Not necessarily in that order.

Reid’s hometown date is warm and cuddly. Reid’s father reinforces what we know, that Reid is always seeking other people’s approval or advice, and his dad encourages him to follow his own heart and that if he likes this girl (Jillian) he needs to throw down and put everything on the line even if he gets hurt in the end.

Michael’s hometown date is hilarious. Michael is hilarious. Michael Breakdancer is the guy you want to be your BFF. Turns out Michael has an identical twin. And a sister, who surprised him and the family by flying home from Australia to meet Jillian. The twins try to trick Jillian by switching shirts and identities, but it’s wasted on Jillian who “knows her Michael.” Nice try guys. After dinner there is dancing around the living room and its a very fun evening for all involved. Michael is now more than smitten with Jillian, he’s downright in love with the girl.

Hottie Kiptyn’s hometown was perhaps my favorite. Jillian comments that his family is well-educated, they speak multiple languages and she thinks she might just look like a hilbilly. Things starts off a little awkward, as Kiptyn’s mother tells Jillian that this family likes to drink and eat. Earl, Kiptyn’s father, is famous for his lasagna. So they have a wine and lasagna taste-test set up for Jillian. Nothing like meeting a guys parents and them making you feel uncomfortable off the bat. But lucky for Jilli she passes the test. Kiptyn’s mother is a tad serious and interrogating. but tells Jillian Kiptyn has a sparkle she hasn’t seen in a long time. As serious as they can be, Kiptyn’s parents have a great sense of humor, apparent by them poking fun at Jillian’s notorious hot tub scene, by putting ‘Caution’ Tape around their own jacuzzi! LMAO! And then again when Earl strums the guitar as they all improvise a song with lyrics including, “I wasn’t sure if I would find my true love, I just hoped the family wouldn’t be burying a dove!” RFLMAO!! And, note to Wes, Kiptyn’s parents have a better chance of selling THAT CD than you do of selling yours! The date ends with Kiptyn and Jillian slipping into the hot tub where Jillian lets us know that she can’t make any promises that a steamy x-rated hot tub scene isn’t in the cards for her again. But not tonight. It’s pretty g-rated. They’re at his parents after all.

Jesse Winemaker’s hometown date takes Jillian to beautiful vineyard country in Carmel, CA to meet Jesse’s family, or Swiss-Family Robinson as I like to call them. Jesse’s family is very Grizzly Adams. His brother, Jacob, who could be very good-looking, has long hair and over-grown goatee. They are all very tall and very crunchy-granola-y. Jesse’s hometown visit isn’t all a barrel of wine and roses, as Jesse’s brother throws him under the bus shamelessly, “yeah, he doesn’t open up.” “yeah he’s kinda closed-off.” Although he did offer up one of the funniest moments when he asked Jillian, “so you guys get naked yet?”

And, of course, they saved the Wes for last. Jillian flies to Austin, TX. She can’t wait, she confesses, to hear Wes sing “HER” song. First on Wes‘ agenda, have Jillian meet the band. Second on Wes‘ agenda, have Jillian hear the band. Third on Wes‘ agenda, Lie to Jillian some more. After the world hears Wes sing with his band, a thrill which he claims is orgasmic beyond ordinary proportions and certainly beyond any way a woman could make him feel. Let’s state the obvious. Wes and his band are your average group of guys with guitars and microphones you’d find in any city, any dive bar or any two-car garage in urban america. Nothing great and far from memorable. Wes is distant, noticeable only to us, Jillian is swooning. Jillian asks him hard questions, and just as he’s smoothly trying to put words together to squelch her doubts, she finishes his sentences with what SHE wants to hear him say.

Just as we see a glimmer of hope in the end of the lying game, instead it plays out more like the movie, Gaslight. Pilot Jake flies in like Underdog to “Save the Day!”… or so we are hoping. Jake cannot live with himself if he doesn’t tell Jillian what Wes has told him on 3 occasions - that he has a girlfriend. Her name is Laurel. So Jake knocks on Jillian’s hotel door. She is surprised to see him. And I’m thinking a little disappointed when Jake tells her he is not there to ask for another chance. Jake tells Jillian, after much hemming and hawing, the truth about Wes. Not the whole truth, mind you. He doesn’t tell her about all the caddy self-serving things he’s said about promoting his band, only about the fact that he has a girlfriend. Jillian doesn’t know what to believe, but she knows what she wants to believe. So even after a Jake and Wes confrontation on the couch, Jillian decides to follow thru with meeting Wes’ family and to listen to her gut instead of upstanding citizen and honest-abe, Pilot Jake. Bad decision.

Wes and Jillian go to Wes‘ home where we are introduced to his stepford-esque mother and sisters. Was it just me, or these folks a little cold. And not only that but they’re made out to be a whole family of fakes, as his mother and sisters assure Jillian that Wes doesn’t have a girlfriend, “people are just jealous of Wes and what he’s got goin on.” yeah, uh-huh. So now not only has Wes made himself look like a lying shmuck on TV, he’s now made his family look like lying shmucks on TV. Nicely done. Kudos.

But no matter, all is right in Wesland, because Jilli has fallen for all the lies and all the deception and all the trite excuses. At the end of the day, Wes lives on.

Before Jillian goes to the rose ceremony, she has another surprising shock at her door. Guess who? Greg Brady-look-a-like Ed is back. Better than ever? only time will tell. Now I like Ed. But he’s a little unemotional even when he’s saying emotional things. I wish he was a bit more robust. Jillian is WAY happy to see Ed. She practically sits in his lap when they sit down to talk. Ed says he realized that picking his job over her was a big mistake. Ed couldn’t stop thinking about her and that he believes there’s no guy there better than him for her. Jillian can’t wipe the shit-eating grin off her face and asks Ed to come to the rose ceremony that night.

Now instead of sending 1 guy home, Jillian has to send 2 guys home. The 5 guys who have just been on hometown dates with Jillian are less than happy to see Ed re-surface. Breakdancer Mike and Jesse Winemaker do not receive roses. Michael’s exit thoughts were so sweet and endearing and adorable he practically had me in tears… what a sweetheart! Meanwhile, this Diva is thrilled to pieces that my guy Jesse is now available for dating again.

Wes conquers all and perseveres another week of psuedo-fame where he and the remaining 4 men will go on romantic dates in Spain with Jillian. These are not the romantic overnights, so don’t be confused or get your panties in a knot just yet!

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